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Niyati

The Feeling of Not Belonging


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A month ago, we told you a story about the feeling of being left out. This week, we dive into more facts and solutions around it.


We did a small survey with 13 people, and here are their responses:




Feeling left out is not only prevalent in schools but also everywhere from churches to apartments. Sometimes just to fit in, children and teenagers make permanent changes to their appearance, such as piercings and tattoos. These changes come with a lot of responsibility and commitment. If a person does this out of their own will, it’s a good thing. However, when it is done solely to satisfy others, the decision is often very instant and passive. While some may feel comfortable with it for years to come, there will be others who feel uncomfortable.


Many of us crave the feeling of fitting in and belonging.


While most have felt left out at least once, what stands out is that this is quite common amongst teenagers. According to Developing Minds, at least 1 in 2 teenagers has faced this. This is concerning because it can cause fear of others, social isolation, and a constant urge for validation. Sometimes, it can even push a teenager towards anxiety and depression.


I know well the ill effects of trying hard to fit in. I have even lied at times to do so, and it took me time to get out of it. Trying to settle in can not only make you lie but also seek attention to an unhealthy extent.


Image Credit: Unsplash


It's okay to try to settle in and make moves to better fit in with the crowd. What's not okay is to completely change ourselves. Remember, we all are pieces of a puzzle, and you will always find people who align with you. The first step to discovering these people is to be your unapologetic self. Honestly, I find it hard to do this, as I am often concerned about people’s opinions of me. However, I'm trying to change, and so can you.


Fitting in is hard, but nothing is easy. You can follow these steps:

1. Remember to be honest and open to people.

You have to be honest so that people know who you truly are and the right kind of people will come to you. If you lie, you can be stuck with people who you may not get along with.

2. Mingling is Key.

This is my personal favourite -to try to hangout with people in labs, canteens, and classes. Trust me, taking this step is a good idea. If a group of people are playing a fun game, and they are open to having more people, go and ask them if you can join.


I met my best friend in 9th grade. On the surface she looked like a girl with a mean attitude, but after talking to her, I met my best friend.

3. Try to find people with the same interest as yours.

We all have certain interests and preferences, and even in a group of 5, there will be someone who will share at least one same interest with you.

4. Overcome the fear of talking.

Most of us are so scared of talking because of what others may think of us, which leads us to missing out on fun moments. Try inserting yourself into or contributing to conversations, even if it’s just “minor.” Try to find topics of common interest like TV shows, books, etc. and hang out outside of school.

5. Try to join clubs.

This is the best way to find your tribe and like-minded people. It will give them a chance to get to know you too. Clubs are a great place to explore and discover yourself, as they help you pursue your interests and interact with/meet new people.


Taking the above steps are hard, but nothing is easy. Try them out!

This post was made in collaboration between Forever Blooming and threadoffeelings.

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