Social exclusion refers to the action of not including someone intentionally in a social group or activity. I am sure many of you have experienced various instances of social exclusion. Whether it’s not getting invited to a party by your friends or getting excluded from a research project at work, it hurts just as much as a physical injury would. The feeling of “not belonging” can become excruciating over a period of time. It can lower one’s self-esteem/confidence and can lead them to take questionable actions in the future.
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I can’t recall the number of times I have been ostracized from a cricket or football match by my brothers just because of the stereotype attached to my gender. Whenever I stand up to them, they laugh and brush my protests away, considering it as a preposterous joke. It is tragic how so many people are prevented from participating in social activities based on their gender, race, age, etc. How many of you have encountered a child of color eating by themself at the school cafeteria or a pregnant woman getting excluded from a project at work she burned the midnight oil for?
Let me narrate an incident of social exclusion I experienced that really put my priorities in perspective.
Like every teenager, the approval of my peers mattered a lot. At one point in my past, my life revolved a lot around my friends. We were a clique of five friends. We had been friends since childhood; hence, it is safe to say that we were quite close to each other.
About two years ago, our family decided to move. I was heartbroken. I had to leave my friends, school, and entire life behind. Unfortunately, I had little choice in the matter. We had planned to move the next year since I was already halfway through the academic year. Upon disclosing this news to my friends, they were pretty grief-stricken as well. We decided that we would spend as much time together as possible before I had to leave and we would maintain contact after that too.
As the months passed by, I began noticing something unusual. My friends and I had stopped hanging out as often as we used to. I felt as if they were trying to avoid me. My first thought was that they were furious at me for leaving. Eventually, I realized the absurdity of it since I had made it clear to them that I had no choice in the matter. However, I still couldn’t cure my restlessness over the situation. Tired of overthinking, I ultimately decided to confront my friends. I tried to slip it into a conversation all five of us were having at the school canteen after weeks.
Source: Scary Symptoms
“It feels great to be able to hang out together again, isn’t it? I feel as if you guys have started avoiding me nowadays. Is something wrong?” I asked in anticipation.
All of them glanced sideways at each other as if hiding a secret. I immediately knew that something was wrong.
“Is everything okay?” I asked in a concerned manner.
“Well, you are going to move in a couple of months. We thought about it and concluded that it’s impractical to hang out when you are going to leave in some time,” one of my friends said, looking at the others for confirmation.
“It’s not like all of us will be in touch after graduation anyway. Consider this as an early goodbye!” one of my other friends said.
The others murmured “yes” in response. They slowly left me alone at the table with nothing but shock and disgust. These people had been my closest companions since I could remember. We had had countless wonderful experiences together. I couldn’t believe that they had broken our friendship just because I was moving. It took them five minutes to end years of laughter, joy, and fun. I had spent years of my life with people who didn’t even consider me a true friend. This incident further triggered social anxiety and loss of self-confidence.
Source: Medical Press
Looking back now, I have learned that I will always encounter people who will exclude me not only from certain situations but also from their life, and it will hurt. But I have to recognize such toxic people and filter them out of my life.
Here’s how you can cope if you experience social exclusion:
Consider if the exclusion is actually intentional.
Reflect upon yourself.
Know that it is not your fault.
Make other connections with people who enjoy your company and vice-versa.
Keep being you!
Social exclusion can take a serious toll on one’s mental health. It is one of the untalked issues of society. It is important that we address it.
So the next time you don’t want to invite a person to your party because you might not like the way they dress, think about how you would feel if you were in the same situation.
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