“I don’t understand why all of you are so negative. You guys should be thankful!” my English teacher exclaimed while looking at a blank screen of high school seniors who couldn’t be bothered to turn their cameras on for a Zoom call. When my senior year of high school was affected by the Covid-19 pandemic, some of my teachers were sympathetic, as many things we were looking forward to weren't possible anymore. However, others, like my English teacher, had what is known as “toxic positivity.” This is when one has an obsession with positive thinking and will try to exercise this belief in any situation, even those that are tragic. It places pressure on others to be happy when they really aren’t, which in turn can make them feel guilty.
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After my English teacher guilted us with her toxic positivity, my friends and I were bothered. We knew we were lucky to be healthy and have the access to learn virtually, but we felt as if our feelings weren’t being validated. All of us had so many events and last moments that we worked hard for, such as the senior prom and final chorus/band performances, so that comment from our teacher made us feel like our hard work meant nothing. For a while, I was affected by her toxic positivity, so I tried to ignore all of the negative aspects of the pandemic and distracted myself. I made sure I got up every day before my classes started at 8 AM to get ready as if things were normal and got into a routine of eating a big breakfast. I even tried to get all of my work done early in order to avoid procrastination. However, by the beginning of June 2020, all of these feelings wore off, and I began to have a mental filter running in my brain nonstop.
A mental filter is when we only concentrate on what’s negative and overshadow the good in any situation. Sometimes toxic positivity can lead to a mental filter, as it did for me. My friends and I were constantly complaining about everything we were missing, and while we still had things to look forward to such as a possible graduation and college in the fall, we would say things like, “Even if we have graduation, it won’t be the same, so why does it matter?” Looking back, I wish I could’ve appreciated graduation more, as most schools in the country had virtual ceremonies.
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Besides during this pandemic, I’ve noticed that my mental filter occurs whenever my mental health is at an all-time low, and it really affects my academic mindset. Even when I do well on an assignment or test, I make up excuses instead of validating my accomplishments. One thing that has helped me get through this is bragging. Now, I don’t mean it in a negative way. When I say “bragging,” I mean to only your parents, family members, or your biggest supporters, who are like your fan club and whenever you feel down about your “90 instead of a 100,” will be there to tell you that you did your best and that it is good enough. Another thing that has helped me avoid mental filters is to focus on things unrelated to my academic stress, such as making friendship bracelets and crocheting. I love finishing new projects, and it gives me something tangible to put my energy into. I’d recommend doing a task or activity you know you’re good at. For some, that could be cooking or athletics. Whatever it is, you’ll crush it and realize that your accomplishments are something to be celebrated.
But back to this pandemic, I know there are people out there sick of hearing about it, but let’s be honest, it has really taken a toll on mental health for almost everyone. One harmful thought process that has really stuck with me recently is “false permanence.” This is when one believes that a negative situation will last forever and won’t improve. For instance, I caught myself the other day telling my mom that I’ll probably graduate college online at this rate and that I wouldn’t be surprised if my fully in-person classes for this semester eventually switched to Zoom. While those are possibilities, I have to remember that I can’t predict the future, and I also can’t change what I can’t control.
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If you still have trouble understanding this idea, think back to when you were in middle school. In the moment it sucks because it’s awkward and filled with lots of growing pains; you think you’ll never get through it. But in the blink of an eye, you move onto high school and realize it wasn’t all that bad and that you weren’t the only one struggling. To get through false permanence, it’s important to think back to past experiences, realize how much you’ve grown, and realize what you can take from them for the future. For example, this summer I had a really hard job and by the end of the first week, I thought it would never get easier. As I finished my last day this past week, I thought back to my first few days and realized things got easier when I pushed through and stopped thinking so negatively about how it was going. I used my experiences in order to help me grow and learn more as a whole.
While it can be easy to fall under a spell of toxic thinking patterns, by learning ways to manage them, you can better your mindset. Remember that your feelings are valid, and with some self-reflection, you can push through those mental obstacles that are in your way. Know that even when things happen, you are in control of how you mentally tackle the situation.
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