Comparing Yourself to Others

Before I dive into this one, I’d just quickly like to say, “Happy holidays!” Hope you’re spending some quality time with your loved ones. :) As you’ve probably seen from the title, this week’s topic is “comparing yourself to others,” an all-too-frequent behavior that is at the root of many detriments to your mental health. Examples of this tendency can be observed in all facets of life, such as when it comes to house size, cars, grades, and outward appearances (e.g. fashion).

Image Source: Welldoing.org

Most of us live in a capitalistic society. A society that fosters competition and rewards those who are more talented and “more worthy.” In far less common cases under this economic model, some of the “less worthy” ones get lucky and are born into an already well-off family or have strong connections to those who are wealthier. Having said this, it’s almost impossible to imagine that such a system –such a world– wouldn’t encourage people to compare themselves with one another. In other words, it’s pretty much inevitable that people will engage in the behavior of comparing themselves to others. Or is it?

Even for those who don’t live in capitalistic societies, there are always judging standards. There’s a certain appearance that’s deemed to be more attractive, a certain asset or mannerism that signifies your importance and/or value, a job or position that seems more respected. In such an environment, which can be observed all around the world, how can you not compare yourself to others? You know that you would benefit from something deemed as more valuable and respectable, which naturally, makes you want to have or be those things.

But to this, I say, who decided that a certain appearance is more attractive? Who set the standard? Who determined that a certain car or for that matter, a certain job, was more desirable? Well, if you want the sort of simple and somewhat smart-aleck answer, it would be humans. But that would be exactly right. It is us and all the previous generations of humans who preceded us that established those standards. Beauty is subjective. And I don’t just mean the beauty of humans; I also mean the beauty of objects, such as cars. You don’t have to conform to the majority opinion. You will be pressured to, but you need to remember and remind yourself that the universal dream status, dream appearance, and dream assets are all artificially created. In other words, you need to stay true to yourself and pursue what you love. You don’t need to be the best of the best or have the best things either –just the amount that you’re comfortable with.

Image Source: The Odyssey Online

On the other hand, wealth and money are things that can make people universally happy and are thus universally desired. Whether it’s you wanting to go on a trip to the Bahamas, buy some new decorations for your home, or go out for dinner with some friends, you need money. Then, wouldn’t it follow that wealth –and the means to reach that wealth, such as grades– are always going to exist as metrics for comparing yourself to others?

First off, grades do not measure your intelligence and therefore are not a valid way for you to compare yourself to others. There are numerous types of intelligence –in fact, 8– that range from a logical-mathematical one to intrapersonal and musical intelligence. So the next time you get a C on that science or history test, know that it’s not reflective of your smarts but rather just signals that you may have to reanalyze some of your studying techniques and dedicate some more time to studying for that subject. Also, know that you can always ask for help since there’s no shame around that. But back to the issue of wealth, yes, it’s nice to be wealthy. It offers you greater freedom and greater choices. However, you don’t need to be anywhere near Bezos or Musk-rich to experience joy from money. You don’t have to be a millionaire either. In fact, Harvard Business Review wrote in 2016 that there has been a stream of research showing that the wealthier aren’t happier. Of course, it’s not “nice” to be poor either, but that doesn’t mean you have to compare yourself to someone who is richer. Focusing on what you do have, such as those in your life who care about you, is how you find your own unique source of joy. Since the concept of being richer not guaranteeing greater happiness might seem counter-intuitive, let me give you an example. Imagine that you’re setting off on a trip to somewhere relaxing and/or fun, but you have just enough saved for a single trip, maybe during the summer. But in an alternative world, you have millions of dollars, and you know you can make that trip ten times over. In both scenarios, you’re going to go on this trip at least once, but in the first, you’re not going to get to go back on that trip or a trip of a similar nature straightaway. You’re going to start saving up for a next trip. “How is this better?” you may ask. Well, because the first scenario makes going on that trip that much more special. Being richer and having the luxury to go on such trips all the time will make you numb to the happiness that results from them.

Image Source: Building on the Word

I know that I personally have struggled a lot with comparing myself to others, in particular when it comes to grades, and writing this article really helped me collect my thoughts and benefit my mental health. I’ve never quite forced myself to confront my tendency to compare myself to others, but this was quite helpful in that sense. I hope that for you, this article positively impacted your outlook on life as well.